6 am, we were chatting happily face to face. I was telling you how I liked my parents’ new place, and you were telling me where you two have been recently.
Then the alarm went on. I woke up and realized that this was just a dream, a dream in which we were still close, in which we were still happy with each other. I should have known better while dreaming. The fact that we kept referring to your girlfriend with her old name suggested that everything was just out of my own imagination but not reality. Since she has changed her name for over 10 years, and I probably have been the only one in the world who never remembered her new name.
I’m no stranger to be rejected. I’m too familiar with the excuses, or no attempt of excusing, when someone does not want to have anything to do with me anymore. I knew all these and I promptly recognized the signal. I was speechless on the phone that day simply because I just never imagined that one day you would also prefer to have nothing to do with me. Never.
I used to ask why. This time I did not. I have grown up to understand that the reason wouldn’t matter. Sometimes all one can do is keep the broken heart to herself, and keep going. And I did just that.
Only occasionally, I would wake up in a dream like this, unhappily realizing again the fact that I’m no longer part of your life and that you won’t be part of mine, either. And that hurts.
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